he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
