I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize