If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
