So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
