Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
