Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
