she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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