Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
