I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
