Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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