All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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