Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
what day is it and did you see me today?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
