Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize