Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
