If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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