Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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