is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
