So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
