I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
