My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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