I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
