Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
