That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I have post one night stand depression
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