i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
