C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize