Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
