he thought i was a dude.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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