I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
