I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't deserve a penis
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
