are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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