glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
