i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
