rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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