Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
