what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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