nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
