I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
