how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
