and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
