the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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