he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
my poor anus
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
