I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
