Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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