foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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