It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
