Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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