i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
