Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
