You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
