your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
