Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
