I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
