Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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