Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
