i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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