Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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