I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
