I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize