every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
