you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
there was a trapeze. enough said
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
