As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
