She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
