my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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