Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
