I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
