doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
