You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
