We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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