You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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