So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
