i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
