The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
