My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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