You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
