If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
