I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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