Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize