I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
