Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
